People-pleasing against our vegan values

When I do something that feels wrong and goes against my values, and I do it to avoid upsetting other people, that is called people pleasing.

When we people-please, we’re doing something that is not true to ourselves.

And the only reason we do it is because we feel responsible for other people’s feelings – specifically how they feel about us.

The price of people-pleasing is betraying ourselves. And it’s also deceiving the people we are pleasing, because they don’t get to see the real us. If they like what they see, they are liking a lie.

When we people-please, we fall out of integrity with who we truly are. 

As a vegan, this might look like buying and cooking meat for a non-vegan spouse or helping our technology-challenged dad to complete an online fishing license application. 

And we do these things even though they feel deeply wrong, and are in directly conflict with our values, because we don’t want to let these people down. We don’t want to disappoint or make them angry.

But consider this.  When we choose instead to decline to people-please we are not being inconsiderate, unhelpful or unkind. 

No it’s the opposite.

We have in fact deeply considered what is important to us and made a decision to act in integrity with our values. We have set an important personal boundary.

When we express this in a kind, gentle and loving way, making it clear that it is about us and our values, and not a judgement or punishment toward them, the people in our lives will appreciate and respect our honesty, our vulnerability and our integrity. Yes, even if they find themselves momentarily inconvenienced or disappointed. 

Practice this, and over time your relationships will start to feel more open, more honest, and more connected. And you will feel far less stress and resentment toward the people in your life.